Love This Joke
By Chris Robinson
The BEST "LOVED" jokes on FACEBOOK!*
My wife "kicked me out" for being a transvestite. I packed her clothes and left.
I remember clearly the day that "success" knocked on my door. I was taking a shower.
Alcohol makes you think that you are whispering when really you aren't.
I tried to enter an Ugly Contest, but they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
Patient: "Doctor, I'm urinating uncontrollably. What can I do?
Doctor: "Depends."
Doctor: "Depends."
The internet went down today and I noticed strange people in my house. Come to find out, they were my wife and kids.
Why is Scotch tape made in America?
Give a redneck fireworks and he'll show you 76 ways to maim yourself.
When I die, my friends will be sad. I owe them money.
"Marriage"-a relationship where one is always right and the other one is the husband.
"James, do you think I'm a bad parent?"
I said, "Mom, my name is Chris."
I said, "Mom, my name is Chris."
Q. Why did the scarecrow receive an award?
A. Because it was "outstanding" in its field.
A. Because it was "outstanding" in its field.
I was addicted to Hokey-Pokey, but I turned myself around.
She said she "laughed her ass off." I glanced at her and said, "Apparently, it wasn't that funny."
The three most dreaded words to hear while making love are, "Honey, I'm home."
Momma purchased a ticket for me to enter the "Haunted House of No Return" at the fair. She demanded a refund when I reappeared.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An onion a day keeps everyone away.
My wife complained that I never listen to her...or something like that.
I went to Home Depot and ask the clerk for nails. He said, "How long do you want them?" I said, "Forever, if that's ok."
I replaced my wife's bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling.
I told my girlfriend to speak loud and slow because my mother was deaf. I told my mom that my girlfriend was retarded.
Q. Why couldn't the pony sing?
A. He was a little hoarse.
A. He was a little hoarse.
Q. Why did the thief steal soap?
A. To make a "clean" getaway.
I "childproofed" my home. Somehow they're still getting in.
What do Facebook employees do in their spare time?
I didn't know real happiness until I married. By then, it was too late.
My wife wanted to make a "porno" movie. I suggested that we have auditions for her part.
I read "The History of Glue." I couldn't put it down.
I'm thick and tired of diets.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila...floor.
I'm so poor that I got married for the rice.
If a parsley farmer owes the IRS, can they garnish his wages?
Never kidnap a married woman. You can't be certain that the ransom will be paid.
I used to work for a calendar company, but I was fired for taking a day off.
Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Q. Why was the vampire stressed?
A. Because if it wasn't one fang, it was another.
A. Because if it wasn't one fang, it was another.
Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Will you die if you get scared half to death twice?
*One-liners and short jokes, old and new, are presented to a diverse demographic audience of FACEBOOK users. Their replies, non-replies, and comments to each joke are recorded, tabulated, and statistically scored. Scores are inputted in a scientifically formulated algorithm that rates each joke as Liked or Loved, or neither. Presented here are the best of each.
LOVE THIS JOKE
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THE ORIGINAL SECTION: LIKE THIS JOKE
-The best "LIKED" one-liners and short jokes on FACEBOOK!-
